“Wanted: 1979 Pontiac Trans Am

Tuesday March 24, 2009 | Posted by: Gerard

Some of you, who have seen my twitter about wanting a 1979 Pontiac Trans Am, may be asking yourselves, “Is this for real?”

And my answer to you is one-hundred percent MFR (“Mad Fucking Real” for short).

Some of you may be asking, “Why?” , so I provided this photograph to answer your questions, and if you need further persuasion-

Quite simply, I need the vehicle for “research and exploration”. I will be researching the high-voltage hydra known as the 9th dimension , I will be exploring the barriers of speed and time, the history of heavy-metal haircuts, and the 24-Hr rest-stop cappuccino.

I will be chasing the “electric-manticore”, and unlocking the riddle of “Muscle Mystery” in this muscle-machine, and it will most likely occur in the desert.

Now that I’ve assuaged your curiosity, here’s what I’m looking for, more or less, and some might think I’m picky, but I think you should be picky when looking for such an important piece of scientific equipment.

***What I want***
First and foremost, I want a good car. It doesn’t have to be great, it doesn’t need to have been kept in an airtight garage for 30 years, but I would prefer something that’s not a piece of shit. I would like it to be in California, close to or within the greater Los Angeles area. I would also like “the fast engine” to show you how much I know about cars, though I have friends with vast automotive knowledge, and my father was a mechanic when I was a child. I want it to run, run well, and have no rust. Oh and it needs to be an automatic, as I can’t drive stick (suprise!).

***Colors and specifics***
Exteriors (in order of awesome):
Silver, the color of steel, and the eye of the falcon.
Faded, slightly shitty, or semi-bombed out looking Nocturne Blue. This color looks great with some age.
Mad-Max Black.
Shitty bombed-out Red/Orange

Obviously I am looking for something with a bit of character but I will settle for better shape for a better car.

I am open to other things but I absolutely do not want Gold, Brown, or that frigging Smokey and The Bandit car- that shit is whack.

Interiors (again in “awesome order”)
Red leather (combined with a silver exterior is an ideal car for me- like a fucking Mach-5 red-velvet cupcake with Terminator 2 frosting)
Black leather (of course)
Blue (cuz it’s cool, but this limits what I can paint the exterior if I choose to do so)
Interior material is not as much a deal breaker as a bad color.

I’ve seen the “Anniversary Edition” ‘79 Trans and I like it but something about the silver leather interior rubs me weird. Looks like pudding, and a light color will only stain when I shit my pants as I tear-ass through scorched earth.

T-Tops a BIG plus.

All of this stuff I am semi-flexible on, as I just want a great car, but I think I will know the right one when I see it.

***Important***
No scams or hustles. I won’t have cash on me, and I’m not important enough to kidnap, but if you’ve got the right car and the right “vibe” I can find us someone important enough to kidnap together- IN-THE-CAR-YOU-JUST-SOLD-ME. Like, for example, the Jonas Brothers. I have been on T.V. and I have access.

You bring the ‘bird- I’m bringing “British Steel” by Judas Priest.

xo
g

PS- Thanks for everyone’s help thus far- you guys are great. I will be looking in the twitter replies for leads.
***Update***
I have noticed that some people are wondering if I am having a mid-life crisis or asking why I am not buying a station wagon or something for a baby. Answers!
Firstly, I am only 31, so I have a bit of time before that whole “crisis” thing, and secondly- I’ve run the numbers on car safety and have come to the conclusion that this IS the car for the baby. This thing is a tank. Usually, when people get into accidents while driving a Trans Am they usually ask “How is the other guy?”.
Trust me. I got this.“

from gerards blog on mychemicalromance.com 03/24/2009